| A collection of Ron's Favorite Quotes Compiled by Ron Crawley, current as of 01/09/07 ( See also http://www.schistory.net ) Categories are (in no particular order):
Political "The difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors are spending their own money." -- Rep. Tom Feeney (R-Fla.), August 2003 when asked by FOX News Channel's Bill O'Reilly if he had learned anything from a publicly funded study on political conservatism. "If she had lived, Mary Jo Kopechne would be 62 years old. Through his tireless work as a legislator, Edward Kennedy would have brought comfort to her in her old age." -- Boston Globe Magazine tribute to Senator Ted Kennedy, by Globe staffer Charles Pierce in Jan. 2004. On Fox News Sunday, Tony Snow dubbed that "the macabre political observation of the year." "Senator Kerry has been in the Senate for a long time. And during his tenure, he's introduced 500 pieces of legislation, seven of which have been adopted. Two or three of those concerned renaming bridges. A couple involved research grants. And a couple were giveaway programs, small loans.... But, he has voted against virtually every defense weapons system bill that's come down the pike." -- Senator Zell Miller, 2004 "Why be a politician when it is so cheap to rent one on those rare occasions that you need one?" -- J.B. Williams, 2004 "If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal. Besides, when I read the list of people who are supporting Kerry, if I wasn't already a Bush supporter, I would have immediately switched. Linda Ronstadt? Don Henley? Geez, that's a good reason right there to vote for Bush." -- Rock star Alice Cooper, 2004 “What’s the job of the candidate in this world? The job of the candidate is to raise the money to hire the consultants to do the focus groups to figure out the 30-second answers to be memorized by the candidate. This is stunningly dangerous.” --- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, September 2007 “The thought of having to choose between Huckabee and Hillary (or whomever the Left tosses up) come November 2008 is about as appealing to me as the option of watching Rosie O’Donnell river dance naked at 11:00 PM verses watching Rosie O’Donnell river dance naked at 11:15 PM.”--- Doug Giles "An already perplexing Iowa race became even more impenetrable today
as former Sen. John Edwards blasted Sen. Barack Obama for criticizing
Sen. Hillary Clinton’s claim that Sen. Obama had criticized
Sen. Edwards... The former North Carolina senator said that the Illinois
senator’s criticism of the New York senator for claiming that the
Illinois senator had criticized the North Carolina senator was
‘an attempt to confuse the voters.’ Mr. Edwards’ comments set off a new
round of charges, countercharges, and counter-countercharges between the
three Democratic rivals, with Sen. Obama lashing out at Sen. Clinton for
supporting Mr. Edwards’ criticism of Sen. Obama’s criticism
of Sen. Clinton.” --- Andy Borowitz Humor "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?" -- Chris Rock, 2003 "Why did God make so many dumb fools and Democrats?" --William Powell in "Life With Father", 1947 "... [Gen. W. T. Sherman] said 'War is hell' and what did he know? That eight ball never even left the states." -- "The Halls of Montezuma", 1950 "Stop listening to celebrities. They do what they do for money -- that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is." -- Dave Chappelle, 2004 "They can kill us, but they can't eat us. That's against the law!" -- Brandon (Charles Drake), "To Hell and Back", 1955 "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." -- Groucho Marx "The Columbus Day Parade was held [Monday] in New York. [Columbus] was the world's first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money." -- Argus Hamilton, 2004 "Your levity is good, it relieves tension and the fear of death."
--- The Terminator, 2003 [from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines] "... the benefit arising from moderate use of strong Liquor
have been experienced in all Armies, and are not to be disputed."
--- George Washington "I went to a library and asked the clerk, 'Where's the
self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose." --- An email from a librarian friend, March 12, 2007 "US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I’m no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating, try putting a little less food in the bowl. Do we really need to give him a pill? Is the dog taking your car keys and driving to McDonalds?" --- Jay Leno, January 2007 "All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're
in front of us, they're behind us ... they can't get away this time."
--- Lewis Burwell "Chesty" Puller, USMC during his service in Korea “During a recent speech, President Bush said, ‘My job is a decision-making job. As a result, I have made a lot of decisions.’ Apparently, Bush’s decision that day was to write his own speech.” --- Conan O’Brien, October 2007 "Border agents have now been issued air guns that shoot pepper balls at people coming across the Mexican border. Have they thought this through? Is that going to bother people from Mexico? Pepper balls? Don’t these people eat jalapenos? Isn’t that like firing meatballs at an Italian guy?" --- Jay Leno, October 2007 "I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck." --- Anonymous email “Well, the conference met today and appointed a commission to meet tomorrow and appoint a delegation which will eventually appoint a subcommittee to draw up ways and means of finding out what to start with first.” --- Will Rogers
"I filled out an application that said, 'In case of emergency, notify' ... I
wrote 'Doctor'." --- Anonymous Sarcasm from Intelligent People "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge" - Thomas Brackett Reed "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend . . . if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply "He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself and hurried on as if nothing had happened." - Winston Churchill, on Stanley Baldwin "There is no excuse for riding English and not having common
sense!" - Liz Crawley, Jan 3, 2007
"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers! In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I'm readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I'll, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact." --- attributed in Blogs to Robert E. Lee, 1863 Conservative Thinking "I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't been burned as a witch or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-hell-up already." -- Anonymous (from "junk" email) " ... further gun laws can only work against law-abiding gun owners and not criminals. The way you enforce the law against criminals is to apprehend and imprison criminals. And you leave the good people alone." -- Tim Wheeler, 2001 "I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents...." --James Madison "California produces 40% of America's fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts -- the kind you eat. We have had a bumper crop of the other variety, too." -- Ronald Reagan"Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence." -- Ronald Reagan "The most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help'." -- Ronald Reagan "The Senate wants you to know how terribly, sincerely sorry they are even though not a single member of today's Senate was even in office the last time America saw a lynching. Some were not even born. But that's the way we prefer our apologies in American politics. We don't apologize for our own sins." -- Mona Charen, June 2005 "The attitude of people associating guns with nothing but crime, that is what has to be changed. I grew up at a time when people were not afraid of people with firearms." -- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia "Charges of 'racism' and 'racial profiling' by McKinney and her attorney are code words often used to intimidate white Americans and get black racists off the hook." --- Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, a black conservative activist "Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you: Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom." --- Undetermined source "The government now has license to transfer property from those with
fewer resources to those with more. The Founders cannot have intended
this perverse result." -- Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, June 2005 Plain Common Sense "I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalms 27:13 "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." -- Albert Einstein "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -- Albert Einstein "Character is doing the right thing when nobody is looking," -- Congressman JC Watts (R - OK) "Crime expands according to our willingness to put up with it." -- Barry Farber "Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right." -- Henry Ford "Worry more about your character than your reputation. Character is what you are, reputation merely what others think you are." -- John Wooden "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa "Always make sure you are right. Then, go ahead." -- Davy Crockett "There is only one quality worse than hardness of the heart and that is softness of the head." -- Theodore Roosevelt "Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more. You should never wish to do less." -- Robert E. Lee "Ladies and gentlemen, you had the highest murder rate, unto each other. You were dealing drugs to each other. You were impregnating our 13-, 12-, 11-year-old children. What kind of a village is that?" --- Bill Cosby, speaking in New Orleans, April 2006 "History and war are cruel pedants. Those who know too little of the former are likely to have too much of the latter." --- Oliver North, 2006 “Here’s my credo. There are no good guns, there are no bad guns. A gun in the hands of a bad man is a bad thing. Any gun in the hands of a good man is no threat to anyone, except bad people.” --- Charlton Heston "What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do in our leisure hours determines what we are." --- George Eastman (Eastman-Kodak) "And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out
listening to
Tommy Dorsey." --- Anonymous Junk Email, received February 2006,
recalling "the good old days."
---
"Junk email" March 2007
"My advice is to try renting. Sell or give away all stuff except a change of clothing and a good laptop computer. I now look back somewhat fondly to my years in the tropics with nothing but what could be carried in a light pack, killing those who happened to interfere." --- Randolf K., a WWII veteran of the Pacific Theater of Operations, March 27, 2007 in response to an email about buying a new house. “Quemadmoeum gladuis neminem occidit, occidentis telum est.” [A sword is never a killer, it is a tool in the killer’s hands] --- Lucius Annaeus Seneca, circa 45 AD "Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington ? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to keep track of sex-offenders on probation or locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow." --- Junk Email, from May 2007 “Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” --- US Army General George S. Patton "A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the
front end." --- US Army General George S. Patton Remember Who Said It! "Go back to Plymouth Rock, Pilgrims! Get out! We are the future. You are old and tired. Leave like beaten rats, you old white people. It is your duty to die... We are going to take over." --- Augustin Cebada, a Brown Beret protestor, demanding amnesty for illegal aliens, April 2006 "I'm a colossal failure, and you made me one." -- Bill Clinton to Yasser Arafat expressing his dismay over failing to garner a legacy on Middle East foreign policy, July 2001 "Christopher Reeve just passed away, and America just lost a great champion for this cause, somebody who was a powerful voice for the need to do stem cell research and change the lives of people like him, who have gone through a tragedy. Well, if we do the work that we can do in this country, the work that we will do when John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk, get up out of that wheelchair and walk again." -- John Edwards, October 2004 "Do not be naive. AIDS is not a curse from God to Africans or the black people. It is a tool to control them designed by some evil-minded scientists, but we may not know who particularly did [it]." -- Wangari Maathai, 2004 Noble Peace Prize recipient "Find what strength you have to terrorize your enemy and the enemy of God." --1994 Nobel Peace Prize Recipient, Yasser Arafat, May 16, 2004 "Every Cuban has a house to live in, no matter how meager. That house is provided by government. Every Cuban who gets sick can go to a doctor or a hospital and get medical attention while 45 million Americans don't have medical insurance. Every Cuban can get education from the kindergarten through college and they don't have to pay. What is Castro doing that we might benefit from—if we are not too arrogant and falsely proud to see what he is doing in a small nation and what we have not been able to do or not been willing to do in the greatest nation on the earth?" --- Louis Farrakhan at the "Millions More" rally in DC, which attracted thousands of people, October 2005 "It's time for us to rebuild New Orleans—the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans. This city will be a majority-African American city. It's the way God wants it to be. You can't have New Orleans no [sic] other way. It wouldn't be New Orleans." --- New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, January 17, 2006 "People think it's bad behavior and that you just need an attitude adjustment, but what they don't know...is that there's a biology and cognitive science to this [disorder]." —Dr. Emil Coccaro, chairman of psychiatry at the University of Chicago's medical school on a new-found "disorder" called "intermittent explosive disorder" (ironically, IED), June 2006 **Take one dose of personal responsibility and call us in the morning. "[Saddam Hussein’s] mind would have been a unique resource for historical, political and psychological research: a resource that is now forever unavailable to scholars... [I]n a small way his execution represents a wanton and vandalistic destruction of important research data.” --- atheist Richard Dawkins , January 2007 "Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage
morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be
arrested, exiled or hanged." --- US President Abraham Lincoln What the hell were they thinking ... "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him." -- Yogi Berra 'That's not a lie. It's a terminological inexactitude.' -- Alexander Haig "[Yasser] Arafat remains in stable condition after dying in a Paris hospital." -- James Taranto, OpinionJournal editor (Wall Street Journal), November 12, 2004 "In America, black people doesn't really have an opportunity at nothin.' ... It's kinda bad bein' black in America." -- Richard Williams, father of tennis sensations Venus and Serena Williams, who also has three stepdaughters - one is an actress and singer, one is a lawyer, and one, now deceased, attended medical school, January 17, 2005 "Being Safe Can Keep Kids From Being Run Over, Expert Says" -- headline from the Internet Broadcasting Systems, May 2005 "Something must be done, even if it doesn't work." --- Bob Geldof at July 3, 2005 "Live8" concert "It makes it very difficult to quit smoking under this administration." --- actor Sean Penn, January 7, 2006 [Note: Penn said Bush and the war in Iraq have made it hard for him to give up his addiction to cigarettes.] “[Cigarette smoking is a] significant contributor to global warming!” --- Al Gore, September 28, 2006 "If you do not receive this, it must have miscarried, therefore I beg you write and let me know."--- Sir Boyle Roche, 18th century Member of Parliament "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." --- Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996 “I’m all for the Fairness Doctrine, whatever that is.” --- Sen. George Voinovich (R-OH), June 2007 “I want to make change, but I’ve already made change. I will continue to make change. I’m not just running on a promise of change. I’m running on 35 years of change.” --- Hillary Clinton, January 2008 "We’ll be eight degrees hotter in 10, not 10, but in 30 or 40 years, and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals.” --- Ted Turner, lamenting the effects of global warming, April 2008 “Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states, I think, one left to go... Alaska and Hawaii I was not allowed to go to.” —Barack Obama , May 2008 "The event itself is so extraordinary that another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle its significance.” --- Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., June 2008, after Obama's apparent Democratic nomination as a Presidential Candidate “I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels.”
--- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, August 2008 (Uh, natural gas IS a fossil
fuel.)
Just Good Advice "It's called a 'slide' not a 'climb'" --- Unknown mother to a child at a McDonald's playground in Inman, SC "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today ... it's already tomorrow in Australia!" --- Charles Shultz, 13 June 1980. I have no advice for those living in Australia! - Ed.
|